I absolutely hate when women sit around talking about their "bad mom moments." It seems so defeatist. I honestly have a hard time believing that any mom who actually takes the time to consider whether an act has an impact on her child is anywhere near a "bad" mom. Sadly it seems we can't just accept our best, love our kids to pieces, and move on. Instead we rehash all of our shortcomings, berate ourselves for the simple failures of everyday parenting, and self-deprecate all over the place.
Today I was once again thinking about how lame a mom I am for not having a baby book for my son. Sure, I've taken a million pictures of him, and written endless Facebook updates about his newest achievements in the exciting world of baby development. (Much to the chagrin of all of my non-parent friends, I'm sure!) But there's no baby book, people. Really. I have grand plans though, and hope to at least crank out a decent photobook with his monthly pictures and milestones. OK, so I'm not entirely sure of what specific day he said his first word, but I sure as hell remember it, and where he was sitting, and what he was wearing, and how my heart nearly exploded from the pride and excitement. I guess that's the trade off. I may not be Martha Stewart-moming it with my scrapbooked baby book that perfectly coordinates with his handmade nursery bedding, but I am there, present for every moment, big and small. Maybe even better than a perfect baby book will be the stories I will tell him as he continues to grow and change and become the wonderful little man we're seeing glimpses of.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
5 Months
Yesterday marked the 5 month point for Wry Baby. I spent inordinate amounts of time just staring into his adorable face and wondering where the time has gone. I then spent similar amounts of time berating myself for not having maintained a baby journal, created a photobook, recorded his birth story, or all of the millions of other mommy things I had planned. Funny how working, maintaining a marriage, and keeping up with a newborn can make those well-intentioned plans seems laughable.
I will give myself credit for doing quite a bit at once, and some of it not half bad. At about 7 months pregnant, I moved into a new position at work. After 4 years of doing criminal law, I suddenly found myeslf with the new challenge of tackling civil litigation. A whole new language to navigate, procedural pitfalls I didn't even know to look out for, and many new stresses. I'm loving my new job, and my new clients/co-workers even more, but it definitely adds an additional strain to my other new job of mom.
At 31, I guess I'm somewhat of an "older mom," particularly in the community I am now a part of. Perhaps that's why the sacrifices and stress are so acceptable to me. I had plenty of time to enjoy myself and work 7 days a week throughout my twenties. That seems to make it easier to focus on Wry Baby first and foremost, without as much of the longing for my past life as I've heard from other new moms. I was tired of the self-centered, insular life I was living.
I can't say that the last 5 months have been without a few panic attacks, crying jags, or just general freak outs. If I hadn't gone through those moments then I (1) wouldn't be human, and (2) would be fairly concerned that I wasn't really living in the present and getting the most out of my sometimes crazy life.
Since the baby was born, we have moved out of our rental, bought a house in a neighboring town, begun to remodel the house while living in it, and incurred new debt courtesy of said house. I have returned to work 30 hours a week in the new position, gotten a new boss (with whom I don't always communicate particularly well), and increased my commute time from 3 minutes to 30 minutes. The hubby has gone to a swing shift, often working from 4:30pm to 5 in the morning. We have only one day a week off together, and that will end when I return to a 40 hour week in April. Wry Baby still doesn't sleep through the night, although with co-sleeping, I barely register waking to feed him, and he now has to be in daycare one day a week.
Writing it all out is a great lesson for me. Sometimes we don't realize exactly how much we are juggling, and we spend too much time feeling like we don't do enough. With everything that I have on my plate, I am blessed that most days I manage to find a smile on my face. Little accomodations throughout my day make everything work in the end. Sure, our house might be a total disaster, but Wry Baby gets to spend most of his time with either mom or dad, and seems to be growing into a happy, giggling love ball. I may have to spend an hour on the road to and from work, but I make the best of it by listening to audiobooks I would otherwise be reading if I didn't fall asleep as soon as I get anywhere near my bed. Money is tight, but that means entertaining ourselves with walks as a family and homemade dinners shared after pushing aside the giant piles of mail and baby paraphernalia that litter the table. The hubby might not always wake up when I want him to or be able to hang out with us because of his schedule, but he is a wonderful father and spends way more solo time with Wry Baby than most dads. There are so many blessings in my life, and I just have to open my eyes to them.
I will give myself credit for doing quite a bit at once, and some of it not half bad. At about 7 months pregnant, I moved into a new position at work. After 4 years of doing criminal law, I suddenly found myeslf with the new challenge of tackling civil litigation. A whole new language to navigate, procedural pitfalls I didn't even know to look out for, and many new stresses. I'm loving my new job, and my new clients/co-workers even more, but it definitely adds an additional strain to my other new job of mom.
At 31, I guess I'm somewhat of an "older mom," particularly in the community I am now a part of. Perhaps that's why the sacrifices and stress are so acceptable to me. I had plenty of time to enjoy myself and work 7 days a week throughout my twenties. That seems to make it easier to focus on Wry Baby first and foremost, without as much of the longing for my past life as I've heard from other new moms. I was tired of the self-centered, insular life I was living.
I can't say that the last 5 months have been without a few panic attacks, crying jags, or just general freak outs. If I hadn't gone through those moments then I (1) wouldn't be human, and (2) would be fairly concerned that I wasn't really living in the present and getting the most out of my sometimes crazy life.
Since the baby was born, we have moved out of our rental, bought a house in a neighboring town, begun to remodel the house while living in it, and incurred new debt courtesy of said house. I have returned to work 30 hours a week in the new position, gotten a new boss (with whom I don't always communicate particularly well), and increased my commute time from 3 minutes to 30 minutes. The hubby has gone to a swing shift, often working from 4:30pm to 5 in the morning. We have only one day a week off together, and that will end when I return to a 40 hour week in April. Wry Baby still doesn't sleep through the night, although with co-sleeping, I barely register waking to feed him, and he now has to be in daycare one day a week.
Writing it all out is a great lesson for me. Sometimes we don't realize exactly how much we are juggling, and we spend too much time feeling like we don't do enough. With everything that I have on my plate, I am blessed that most days I manage to find a smile on my face. Little accomodations throughout my day make everything work in the end. Sure, our house might be a total disaster, but Wry Baby gets to spend most of his time with either mom or dad, and seems to be growing into a happy, giggling love ball. I may have to spend an hour on the road to and from work, but I make the best of it by listening to audiobooks I would otherwise be reading if I didn't fall asleep as soon as I get anywhere near my bed. Money is tight, but that means entertaining ourselves with walks as a family and homemade dinners shared after pushing aside the giant piles of mail and baby paraphernalia that litter the table. The hubby might not always wake up when I want him to or be able to hang out with us because of his schedule, but he is a wonderful father and spends way more solo time with Wry Baby than most dads. There are so many blessings in my life, and I just have to open my eyes to them.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Preggo Booklist
After reading nearly every book that was on the market for pregnant moms, I've decided that most weren't worth my time. The books below met my primary criteria: (1) kept me entertained or interested, (2) didn't patronize me or terrify me with their advice, and (3) imparted a good bit of mommy wisdom.
Pregnancy:
Pregnancy:
- From the Hips: a Comprehensive, Open-minded, Uncensored, Totally Honest Guide to Pregnancy, Birth, and Becoming a Parent by Rebecca Odes and Ceridwen Morris - fun to read format without the "scaring the panelled-pants off of you" style of most pregnancy books. Includes quotes from real women about various topics in pregnancy, child birth and early parenting.
- The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine - another down to earth book about the specific physical, mental and emotional aspects of pregnancy
- Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy - hilarious account of the horrors and joys of pregnancy. Read some of this out loud to your partner and be prepared for snorting laughter followed closely by wide-eyed terror!
- The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be - short book to answer dad's many questions about pregnancy and childbirth, and his new role.
- Rockabye by Rebecca Wolfe - an excellent, easy to read mom-oir from the heart of a young mom who finds herself suddenly entering motherhood and learning to refuses to lose her creative spirit
- Sleep is for the Weak - a laugh out loud/cry with recognition collection of short stories by some of the best mommy bloggers out there. Perfect to stash in the car for those rare quiet times where baby is asleep in the carseat and you're too paranoid to get out of the car for fear of waking him!
- Baby Laughs by Jenny McCarthy - who knew that a former MTV host would write the easiest to read, and most hilarious, book on being a new mom? McCarthy sense of humor means that no gross part of birth or raising a baby get ignored, but the humor cleverly conceals a ton of really true information and advice on being a mom.
- The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Sears - even my husband enjoyed reading this book! It lays out the 5 S's (shushing, swinging, swaddling, side/stomach position, and sucking) for calming a fussy baby. These simple tools are incredibly effective for helping even a colicky baby get to sleep.
- The Baby Book by Dr. Sears - a huge encyclopedia of tips and advice about how to make it through your baby's first year without too many panic attacks, ER visits, or second guessing yourself. In the first few months after Wry Baby's birth, I was constantly having questions of "is X a big deal" or "what do I do when Y happens." I could pull out this book, find the topic in the index, and feel much better in a matter of minutes. Dr. Sears is a big fan of attachment parenting, not panicking, and doing what works best for you and your baby. It's a very refreshing approach, and doesn't try to pigeon hole your family into a one-size-fits-all parenting style.
These were some of my favorite reads during pregnancy and Wry Baby's early months. I will admit that I also read a lot of "What to Expect When You're Expecting," but it always seemed alarmist and very black and white. Sometimes when you're a hormone-challenged pregnant lady or new mom, you really just need to read that the red spot you're obsessing about is just a common rash, not the sign of some rare but tragic disease! Better safe than sorry always applies to babies and pregnancy, but adding to the hysteria isn't necessary. The books I've recommended above try to maintain that philosophy of helpful advice without the hysteria. Enjoy!
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