5 Months

Yesterday marked the 5 month point for Wry Baby. I spent inordinate amounts of time just staring into his adorable face and wondering where the time has gone. I then spent similar amounts of time berating myself for not having maintained a baby journal, created a photobook, recorded his birth story, or all of the millions of other mommy things I had planned. Funny how working, maintaining a marriage, and keeping up with a newborn can make those well-intentioned plans seems laughable.

I will give myself credit for doing quite a bit at once, and some of it not half bad. At about 7 months pregnant, I moved into a new position at work. After 4 years of doing criminal law, I suddenly found myeslf with the new challenge of tackling civil litigation. A whole new language to navigate, procedural pitfalls I didn't even know to look out for, and many new stresses. I'm loving my new job, and my new clients/co-workers even more, but it definitely adds an additional strain to my other new job of mom.

At 31, I guess I'm somewhat of an "older mom," particularly in the community I am now a part of. Perhaps that's why the sacrifices and stress are so acceptable to me. I had plenty of time to enjoy myself and work 7 days a week throughout my twenties. That seems to make it easier to focus on Wry Baby first and foremost, without as much of the longing for my past life as I've heard from other new moms. I was tired of the self-centered, insular life I was living.

I can't say that the last 5 months have been without a few panic attacks, crying jags, or just general freak outs. If I hadn't gone through those moments then I (1) wouldn't be human, and (2) would be fairly concerned that I wasn't really living in the present and getting the most out of my sometimes crazy life.

Since the baby was born, we have moved out of our rental, bought a house in a neighboring town, begun to remodel the house while living in it, and incurred new debt courtesy of said house. I have returned to work 30 hours a week in the new position, gotten a new boss (with whom I don't always communicate particularly well), and increased my commute time from 3 minutes to 30 minutes. The hubby has gone to a swing shift, often working from 4:30pm to 5 in the morning. We have only one day a week off together, and that will end when I return to a 40 hour week in April. Wry Baby still doesn't sleep through the night, although with co-sleeping, I barely register waking to feed him, and he now has to be in daycare one day a week.

Writing it all out is a great lesson for me. Sometimes we don't realize exactly how much we are juggling, and we spend too much time feeling like we don't do enough. With everything that I have on my plate, I am blessed that most days I manage to find a smile on my face. Little accomodations throughout my day make everything work in the end. Sure, our house might be a total disaster, but Wry Baby gets to spend most of his time with either mom or dad, and seems to be growing into a happy, giggling love ball. I may have to spend an hour on the road to and from work, but I make the best of it by listening to audiobooks I would otherwise be reading if I didn't fall asleep as soon as I get anywhere near my bed. Money is tight, but that means entertaining ourselves with walks as a family and homemade dinners shared after pushing aside the giant piles of mail and baby paraphernalia that litter the table. The hubby might not always wake up when I want him to or be able to hang out with us because of his schedule, but he is a wonderful father and spends way more solo time with Wry Baby than most dads. There are so many blessings in my life, and I just have to open my eyes to them.